My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
