I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Randomize
