When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
