Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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