dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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