My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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