Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
