shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
