I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
