girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
