question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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