So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Randomize
