I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Randomize
