Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
