Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Randomize
