Princesses don't give blow jobs
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
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