Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Randomize