Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
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