I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Randomize
