Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
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