I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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