Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
