I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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