Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
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