As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
The struggles of a small town man whore
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
