you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
