Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Randomize
