he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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