I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize