The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Randomize
