I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
