Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
