Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
