Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize