I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I need a hoe opinion
go on
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
