My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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