The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
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