K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
Too much gin, very little bucket
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize
