i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
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