While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
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