You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
