Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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