ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
