Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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