it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I need moral support for this bender
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
