I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Randomize