I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
