i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
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