i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Someone shattered a urinal.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
