The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
