Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
