I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
