I'm going to rape someone's good day.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
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