She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
