Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Randomize
