can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
