hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
