if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
where are you?
Hypothermia
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize