her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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