I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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