i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Randomize
