sorry about calling you the devil all night.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
