you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Randomize
