I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
