I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
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