Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
