hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
