Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
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