Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Randomize
