I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize
