im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
