Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
organizing the empties. That sober.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
He literally asked permission to hit on me
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
