remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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