i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
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